I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
