too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
