giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Found the puke drawer
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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