that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
