I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
