Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize