do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
