I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
