So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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