so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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