haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm jealous of your bromance
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
