Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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