I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize