does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
