how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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