Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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