Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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