everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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