I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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