How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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