Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Green mimosas i think yes
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
