Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
