fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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