you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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