I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
