I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize