Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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