My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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