i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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