first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
