Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
