naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
