you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
