Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
