Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
