I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
