you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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