Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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