found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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