I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
