They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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