by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
