I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
