He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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