I wish my penis had an off switch
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize