Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
