I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
