Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
