He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
