it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she peed on how many people?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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