You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
