Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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