That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I FOUND THE LEGS
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
