Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
