i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
