By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
