I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize