Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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