how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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