Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
