i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
