you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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