she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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