TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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